


PAUBAYA

by sunflowersideup



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Inspired by Music, M/M
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:40:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27171217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowersideup/pseuds/sunflowersideup
Summary: Mark and Donghyuck are lovers for four years  but Mark seems like he hasn't over yet on his first love. After acknowledging that what he only has was an unrequited love, Donghyuck is finally letting go.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	1. Pinapaubaya

Listen to Moira's [PAUBAYA](https://open.spotify.com/track/6KfGuMyhHwuQtMSBvQ02pI?si=YO_q1nmCT3myRSBShCSatw)

to feel this au more.

* * *

> “Saan nagsimulang magbago ang lahat  
>  Kailan nung ako'y 'di na naging sapat”

**NOVEMBER 04, 2018**

Hi, Love.

You’re supposed to fetch me sa school because I told you we will have dinner together. Sabi ko ‘di ba compensation for not being with you kasi I’ve been busy for a few weeks?

  
I was so excited, love. Hinintay kita noon. I even pressured my groupmates to finish our paper already para makauwi na kami agad.

  
Love, naiintindihan ko naman and I forgive you. Alam ko naman na medyo nagtatampo ka kasi ngayon ko lang kinayang bumawi, pero sana hinayaan mo naman akong makasama ka ngayon.

  
But it’s okay, love. Kahit hindi mo sinabi sa’kin ang dahilan kung bakit hindi na tayo natuloy. I forgive you because I love you so much and I know I’m also at fault.

  
I love you, mahal. Bawi na lang ako sa ibang araw.

Your Hyuckie.

> “Ba't di mo sinabi nung una pa lang  
>  Ako ang kailangan, pero 'di ang mahal”

**JANUARY 19, 2019**

Hi, Love.

I overheard your conversation with your sister. I heard the two of you talking about her. I thought tapos ka na. I thought I already made you feel loved.

  
Bakit ‘di mo naman sinabi na kaya lang pala mahigpit ang kapit mo sa’kin kasi takot kang mahulog ulit sa kanya?

  
Kaya ka lang pala nakatingin sa’kin kasi ayaw mong lumingon sa kanya.

  
Kaya mo lang pala isinisigaw ang pangalan ko para hindi mo marinig ang sarili mong boses na tinatawag siya.

  
Love, Bakit ‘di mo naman sinabi na mahal mo pa pala?

Your Hyuckie.

> “Saan nag kulang ang aking pagmamahal  
>  Lahat ay binigay nang mapangiti ka lang”

**MARCH 17, 2019**

Hi, Love.

Did you like it, love? Did you like the letters and poems I wrote for you? I know how much you loved receiving those. You always feel appreciated and special kapag nakakatanggap ka ng mga gan’yan ‘di ba?

  
I’m sorry I’m not that good at it. Hindi naman kasi ako manunulat like her. But love, I tried my best. I poured all my feelings to it.

  
I love you so much, Mark.

  
I may not as poetic as your first love but I can still give you the words of my heart.

Your Hyuckie.

> "Ba't 'di ko nakita na ayaw mo na  
>  Ako ang kasama, pero hanap mo siya”

**JUNE 06, 2019**

Hi, Love.

Ang sakit naman n’on, love.

  
Alam ko naman na miss na miss mo na siya eh. Pero love, ‘wag mo namang ipakita at iparinig sa’kin.  
Love, ano ba ‘ko sa’yo?

  
Kung nauna mo siyang minahal at mahal mo pa rin siya ngayon, minahal mo ba ‘ko between that?

  
Did you pursue me because you love me or you just did because you’re sure na sasaluhin kita at hindi kita sasaktan katulad ng ginawa niya?

  
For my birthday wish, love, don’t drink as much as you did tonight next time, please?

  
It’s me you’re looking for when you’re sober.

Your Hyuckie.

> “At kung masaya ka sa piling niya  
>  Hindi ko na pipilit pa”

**JULY 15, 2019**

Hi, Love.

Happy Anniversary, love.

  
Susuko na ba ‘ko, mahal?

  
I saw how happy you were when you accidentally met her kanina when we were on our date.

  
Those eyes, love. Kailan ko kaya makikitang gan’on kakinang ang mga mata mo kapag sa’kin ka naman tumingin?

  
Love, if you really love her, bakit ako? Bakit ako ‘yung sinamahan mo kung una pa lang pwede namang siya na ang pinili mo?

Your Hyuckie.

> “Ang tanging hiling ko lang sakanya  
>  'Wag kang paluhain  
>  At alagaan ka niya”

**AUGUST 02, 2019**

Hi, Love.

Happy birthday, love.

  
I’m sorry. I’m sorry kung nasaktan ka man. Pero love, sandali lang ‘yan. Para sa’yo naman ‘to eh. Para hindi ka na mahirapan.

  
Love, alam ko. Alam ko naman na mahal mo siya eh. Go to her na, mahal. Kakayanin ko naman basta hindi ka na nagtitiis.

  
Ako na ang puputol nito, love. Ako na ang puputol para masimulan niyo na ‘yung ‘di niyo nasimulan.  
Love, salamat sa apat na taong ako ang sinamahan mo. Salamat sa apat na taong ako ang pinili mong makatabi.

  
Hindi na kita pipiliting pumili. Ako na ‘yung magbibigay sa’yo.

  
Ang hiling ko na lang sanang kapalit sa regalong ‘to, sana piliin niya rin ‘yung magpapasaya sa’yo.  
Malaya ka na, love. Maging masaya ka na sana sa piling niya.

Once yours, Hyuckie.

> “Saan natigil ang pagiging totoo  
>  Sa tuwing mababanggit na mahal mo ako”

**OCTOBER 23, 2019**

Hi, love.

‘Wag mo naman akong pahirapan, mahal.

  
‘Wag mo naman akong paasahin na minahal mo ‘ko talaga.

  
Matatapos na ‘ko. Konti na lang matatanggap ko na na hindi talaga ‘ko nanatili kahit sandali d’yan sa puso mo.  
Love, don’t tell me you love me if you’re not yet done loving someone else.

  
Mas madaling sabihin ang mga salitang ‘yan sa taong hindi mo mahal. Kasi hindi mabigat. Kasi walang dalang emosyon.

  
Love, hindi ako ang mahal mo. Alam ko, ramdam ko.  
Stop crying in front of me. Stop trying to get me back, please. I gave you your freedom already.

Once yours, Hyuckie.

> “Ba't 'di mo inamin na merong iba  
>  Ako ang kayakap, pero isip mo siya”

**DECEMBER 27, 2019**

Hi, Love.

I finally had the balls to meet with you again.

  
It’s been months already and I kinda’ feel like it won’t hurt as much now.

  
You seem okay na. You didn’t beg for me to come back. You seem in good condition. Did you finally pursue her?

  
Love, na-miss ko ‘yang mga ngiting ‘yan. Na-miss ko ‘yang mga matang ‘yan. Love, na-miss kita nang sobra-sobra.

  
Na-miss ko lahat pati ang yakap mo.

  
Bakas sa mukha mo ang saya, mahal. Bakas sa tono ng pananalita mo ang pagmamahal habang ikinukwento mo kung gaano ka kaswerteng nand’yan siya para itayo ka.

  
Love, walang anuman.

Once yours, Hyuckie.

> “At kung masaya ka sa piling niya  
>  Hindi ko na pipilit pa  
>  Ang tanging hiling ko lang sakanya  
>  'Wag kang paluhain, at alagaan ka niya”

**FEBRUARY 20, 2020**

Hi, Love.

I’ve heard that kayo na.

  
Congratulations, mahal.

  
Mahal na mahal kita, Mark. Sobra. Hanggang ngayon.

  
Patawad, mahal. Kung naging sagabal man ako sa inyo noon, kung sumingit man ako sa istoryang nakasulat para sa inyo.

  
Patawad kung naikulong kita sa pagmamahal ko.

  
Salamat din, love. Salamat sa mga ala-ala. Salamat kasi pinaramdam mo sa’kin na isa ako sa mga taong kaya mong piliin.

  
Love, ito na ‘yon. Ito na ‘yung ipinagkait sa’yo, sa inyo, ng pagmamahal ko. Ito na rin ‘yung ibinigay na kapalit ng pagmamahal na ‘yon.

  
Be happy with her forever, love. I know you love her since day one.

Once yours, Hyuckie.

> “Ba't 'di ko naisip na merong hanggan  
>  Ako yung nauna, pero siya ang wakas”

**JUNE 06, 2020**

Hi, Love.

Hindi na ikaw ang may hawak ng cake ko.

  
If I had knew last year was the last time, I should’ve not blew the candles. Or I should’ve wished I’ll be selfish enough to not let you go.

  
Miss na miss na kita, Mark. Miss na miss na kita.  
Ang sakit-sakit pala. Ngayong araw-araw kang wala sa tabi ko, ‘saka ko lang naramramdaman ‘yung kulang sa buhay ko.

  
I was so happy with you on those four years that we’re together. Sa sobrang saya ko na kasama kita, akala ko hindi ka na mawawala.

Once yours, Hyuckie.

> “At kita naman sa 'yong mga mata  
>  Kung bakit pinili mo siya  
>  Mahirap labanan ang tinadhana”

**JULY 15, 2020**

Hi, Love.

Happy supposedly 5th anniversary, mahal.

  
Today, I re-opened the gifts you gave me.

  
Oo na, tanga na ‘ko. I wrapped all the things you gave me again so I have something to unwrap today. Something that came from you.

  
Iba talaga kapag sa’yo nanggaling, love.

  
Gustong-gusto kong sisihin ang sarili ko dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman nang ginawa kong pakikipaghiwalay sa’yo.

  
But I have no regrets. Alam kong tama ang naging desisyon ko.

  
I was happy with you, but I know you were never even half as happy when you were with me than you are with her now.

Once yours, Hyuckie.

> “Pinapaubaya  
>  Pinapaubaya  
>  Pinapaubaya ko na sakanya”

**AUGUST 02, 2020**

Hi, Love.

Happy birthday, Mark.

  
It’s been a year, mahal.

  
And I love you still.

Forever yours, Hyuckie.


	2. Ba't Pinaubaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Along the process of Donghyuck thinking he's giving Mark the freedom he wants, Mark was hurting that his love is letting his hand go.

> “Saan nagsimulang magbago ang lahat  
> Pinaramdam ko ba’y 'di ka naging sapat”

**NOVEMBER 04, 2018**

Hi, Sunshine.

I’m so sorry, my love.

  
I was dragged by my mom for a dinner and I wasn’t able to decline because you know how my mom is.

  
Pasensya na kung hindi ko masabi sa’yo. I don’t want you to get hurt, mahal.

  
Alam ko naman na mas masasaktan kang malaman na ayaw ni mama na magkasama tayo kumpara sa pananahimik at hindi ko pagbibigay ng dahilan sa’yo.

  
I don’t want you to think too much of how to impress her. You’re perfect already. You’re not just enough, hyuckie. You’re more than enough.

  
I promise, love, once we gain my mom’s trust, she’ll finally accept us.

  
You’re not that hard to love naman eh. I miss you.

Sa’yo, Markles.

> “Ba't di mo sinabi nung una pa lang  
> Ikaw ang kailangan, ikaw lang aking mahal”

**JANUARY 19, 2019**

Hi, Sunshine.

My sister and I had a conversation earlier, mahal.

  
She asked me about her. It told my sister that first love never dies and I’m being honest when I said that.

  
The love that I had for her, it is a lesson. That girl, she’s one of my biggest lesson. She opened my heart and taught me how to love for the first time.

  
Yung love turned lesson na ‘yon, habang buhay kong dadalhin.

  
I am thankful of her, mahal. Kasi dahil sa kanya, I can easily say and conclude that I love you. Dahil sa kanya, I didn’t even once doubt my feelings for you.

  
She may be my first love but I know you’re my greatest. And I am sure you’re my last.

  
Mahal na mahal kita, hyuckie.

Sa’yo, Markles.

>   
> “Hindi nag kulang ang iyong pagmamahal  
> Ngiti kong dahilan ay ikaw lang naman”

  
**MARCH 17, 2019**

Hi, Sunshine.

Thank you so much for the letters and poems.

  
Didn’t know you have a talent on this. Siguro nga marami oa akong dapat malaman tungkol sa’yo.

  
Pero, love, I saw how sad your eyes were. Bakit?

  
Love, nagustuhan ko. Sobrang nagustuhan ko. ‘Wag mo naman sanang isipin na hindi ko naa-appreciate ang mga binibigay mo.

  
Akala ko ba tapos na tayo dito, mahal? Ikaw lang ‘di ba? Nasabi ko na naman sa’yo nang ilang ulit ‘di ba?

  
Hyuckie, ikaw na ‘yung mahal ko. Ikaw ang mahal ko.

Sa’yo, Markles.

>   
> Ba't 'di ko nakitang nasasaktan ka na  
> Tayo’y magkasama, pero ‘di ka masaya”

**JUNE 07, 2019**

Hi, Sunshine.

Sorry I drank too much last night. Ang gago lang kasi it’s your birthday and I know you didn’t get to enjoy kasi inalagaan mo lang ako.

  
Love, I saw you crying when you woke up. You really thought I was asleep but I was just pretending.

  
Love ano bang klaseng tanong ‘tong sinasabi mo sa’kin?

  
Oo, nauna ko siyang minahal pero ikaw na ang mahal ko ngayon.

  
That day I pursued you, ikaw na ang laman ng puso ko.  
What’s so hard to believe, mahal?

  
You’re worth loving, you deserve being loved. Bakit ba lagi mo na lang iniisip ma hindi kita kayang mahalin?

Sa’yo, Markles.

>   
> “Ayaw mo na ba sa piling ko sinta?  
> Hindi na ba mapipilit pa?”

**JULY 15, 2019**

Hi, Sunshine.

It’s our anniversary, love. It’s our special day pero pakiramdam ko hindi na ‘to katulad nung mga nauna.

  
Love, sumusuko ka na ba? Please, don’t let go of me.

  
Hyuckie, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko papatunayan sa’yo.

  
When we saw her kanina, I told her that we’re going strong. But are we really?

  
Sinubukan kong ipagmalaki ka sa kanya, sinubukan kong ipakita na kuntento na ‘ko sa’yo. Love, hindi mo ba narinig at nakita?

  
Love, sabihin mo naman sa’kin kung saan ba ‘ko nagkukulang kasi ayokong dumating tayo sa puntong bibitawan mo na ‘ko.

Sa’yo, Markles.

> “Ang tanging hiling ko sa’yo aking sinta  
> 'Wag kang bibitaw  
> Dahil ‘di ko makakaya”

**AUGUST 02, 2019**

Hi, Sunshine.

Putangina naman, Donghyuck.

Putangina, sobrang sakit naman n’yan.

  
Mahal na mahal kita eh. Bakit naman kailangang ganito?

  
You told me you’ve heard me saying I want her to love me back last time when I was drunk on your birthday.

  
Hyuckie, I was talking about my mom. I was seeking for her kasi simula noong naging tayo parang nawala na rin siya sa’kin. But no, you won’t believe me kahit anong sabihin ko.

  
You’re too caught up with your idea na hindi kita mahal at hindi kita makakayang mahalin.

  
Love, sorry kung may pagkukulang ako. Sorry kung mali ‘yung pagpaparamdam ko ng pagmamahal ko. Sorry if I ever made you feel insecure, unappreciated, unloved.

  
Kaya ko namang baguhin lahat kung sasabihin mo sa’king kung anong babaguhin ko.

  
Bakit naman kailangang mang-iwan ka?

  
Love, hindi ka ganito manurpresa kapag birthday ko eh.

  
Hindi ganito kasakit ‘yung regalo mo.

Sa’yo pa rin, Markles.

>   
> “Sinong nagsabing hindi ‘yon totoo?  
> Mga sinabi kong ikaw lang ang mahal ko”

**OCTOBER 23, 2019**

Hi, Sunshine.

Ilang beses ko ba kailangang magmakaawa, hyuckie?

  
Ilang beses ko ba kailangan umaiyak sa harapan mo para kunin mo ‘ko ulit?

  
Mahal kita. Mahal kita. Mahal kita. Mahal kita.

  
Ilang beses ko ba kailangang isigaw para maniwala ka?

  
Putangina, Lee Donghyuck, hindi ko na kaya eh.  
Tama na, love, parang awa mo na. Bumalik ka na, mahal, please?

  
Hindi naman ako masasakatan ng ganito kung hindi kita mahal eh.

Sa’yo lang, Markles.

>   
> “Ba't 'di ko inaming ika’y nag-iisa  
> Ikaw ang kayakap at walang gustong iba”

**DECEMBER 27, 2019**

Hi, Sunshine.

I gave you months to think already. Hindi ka pa rin ba babalik sa’kin, mahal?

  
I tried so hard to look calm, to look collected. Kasi alam ko once I cry in front of you again, itataboy mo na naman ako.

  
Mahal, gusto kitang yakapin ng matagal. Gustong-gusto pero alam kong hindi mo gugustuhin.

  
Kung alam mo lang kung gaanong pagtitiis ang ginawa ko, ‘yung pagpipigil kong halikan ka.

  
I tried telling you how much I was in pain, I much I am trying to stand up again after you dump me. Pero heto ka at tinatanong ako kung kasama ko ba siya along the process.

  
Mahal, kaya mo ba ‘ko binitawan para pumunta sa iba?  
Hyuckie, ikaw ‘yung mahal ko eh. Ikaw lang ‘yung gusto kong uwian. Ikaw lang ‘yung pahinga ko. Ikaw lang hanggang sa huli, mahal.

Sa ‘yo lang, Markles.

> “Hindi sasaya sa piling ng iba  
> Hindi na ba mapipilit pa?  
> Ang tanging hiling ko lang sa’yo sinta  
> ‘Wag itaboy, sa’kin ay bumalik ka na”

  
**FEBRUARY 20, 2020**

Hi, Sunshine.

I hope it the news haven’t reach you yet.

  
No, love, hindi kami. That was just my mom. She’s trying to make it look like me and that girl’s together but trust me, ikaw lang.

  
I’ve talked to mom already. I told her na sa ‘yo lang ako masaya, hyuckie. To be with you again is all I want.

  
I think she’ll give up soon, mahal. I think she’ll finally understand.

  
I kneeled down in front of her, mahal. I know you told me not to lower myself for others to accept what we are pero kailangan kasi eh. Kailangang ipakita ko sa kan’ya kung gaano kita kamahal. 

  
Sa ‘yo kaya? Kailan ko kaya maipapakita at mapaparamdam ‘yun sa ‘yo?

  
Balik ka na sa’kin, hyuckie. Maawa ka na, mahal.

Sa’yo na lang ulit, Markles.

>   
> “Ba't 'di ko naisip na merong hanggan  
> Ako ang nagkulang, patawad at nagwakas”

  
**JUNE 06, 2020**

Hi, Sunshine.

Happy birthday, mahal ko.

  
Hindi mo man lang pinaabot ng birthday mo ‘yung tayo.

  
Sana binigyan mo man lang ako ng pagkakataong maibigay sa’yo ‘yung huling regalo ko sa’yo as your boyfriend. Sana hinayaan mo muna akong isuot sa’yo ‘yung unang regalo ko sa’yo as your fiancé.

  
Hyuckie, handa na kitang ilaban kay mama eh.

  
Kakayanin ko na sanang ipagmalaki sa kan’ya na ikaw na ‘yung taong sasamahan ako sa habang buhay.

  
Mahal, ikaw na eh. Ikaw na ‘yung nakikita kong kasama sa pagtanda. Siguradong-sigurado na ‘ko eh.

  
Sa sobrang saya at pagmamahal na ipinaramdam mo sa’kin, hindi na dumaan sa isip ko na iiwan mo ‘ko.

  
Pasensya na kung ikaw lang ang nakapagparamdam sa’kin ng pagmamahal. Pasensya na kung nagkulang ako.

  
Patawarin mo ‘ko, hyuckie.

Sa’yo hanggang huli, Markles.

>   
> “Kita ko naman sa 'yong mga mata  
> Ako’y mahal mo pa rin sinta  
> Mahirap labanan ang nararamdaman”

**JULY 15, 2020**

Hi, Sunshine.

Ito ‘yung araw na ‘yun, mahal. Ito dapat ‘yung araw na ia-announce natin sa lahat na handa na tayong humarao sa altar.

  
Hindi ko ba dapat pinlano agad lahat? Sigurado na kasi ako, love eh. Alam kong mahal kita at alam kong mahal mo ‘ko.

  
Love, natanggap mo ba? Natanggap mo ba ‘yung regalo ko sa’yo?

  
I’ve sent you the ring, mahal.

  
I know you still love me. I’m hoping you still love me.

I will wait for your answer, mahal.

  
I will wait forever.

  
Pasensya ka na kasi hindi talaga kita kayang bitawan.

Sa’yo hanggang sa huli, Markles.

> “Ba’t nagpaubaya  
> Ba’t nagpaubaya  
> Ba’t nagpaubaya kung ikaw talaga sinta.”

  
**AUGUST 03, 2020**

Hi, Sunshine.

You’re late, mahal.

  
Pero kahit hindi ka umabot sa birthday ko, I’m still thankful.

  
Stop crying, love. Hindi ka tanga, nasaktan ka lang.  
Ako ‘yung nagkulang, mahal. Ako ‘yung nagparamdam sa’yo na hindi ka sapat.

  
Hindi mo kailangang magpaubaya, mahal. Walang iba. Ikaw lang naman eh.

  
Salamat, love. Salamat sa pagbabalik.

  
Akala ko hindi ko na matatanggap ang sagot mo.

Salamat at isinuot mo ang regalo ko.

  
Darating ang araw at mapapatawad ko si mama sa pagpigil niyang matanggap mo ang regalo ko, pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako sa kan’ya na hindi na niya pinatagal pa at ibinigay na rin sa’yo.

  
Salamat. Salamat at ngayon alam mo na.

  
Alam mo nang mahal na mahal kita, Lee Donghyuck.

Sa’yo magpakailanman, Markles.

**Author's Note:**

> More markhyuck stories on my wattpad accout. Same username :))


End file.
